A bride-to-be caught the internet’s attention when she claimed in a now-viral Reddit post that she had recently uninvited her mom from her wedding over a “deliberately cruel” gift.
Many online rushed to the bride’s defense and argued that she was right to cut off a “toxic” family member. But some experts have mixed opinions about uninviting wedding guests.
In the Reddit forum “Am I The A**hole,” a bride under the username u/ThrowraMom567 shared that she made the tough decision to uninvite her mom from her wedding after her mom presented her fiancé with a gift that left him feeling “humiliated.” The post has received more than 21,000 votes and over 3,000 comments.
“My family loves Kevin [her fiancé] and Kevin loves them. However, my mom is the ‘brutally honest’ type who constantly dishes out her opinions and thoughts on what people wear, how they look, how well off they are … Mostly negative, tasteless, backhanded comments,” she said at the beginning of the post.
She continued to explain that Kevin had been the target of many of her mom’s insensitive comments throughout the years. Though her mother had apologized for some of the comments she’d made in the past (about his car, degree, etc.), she would not stop taunting Kevin about the fact that he couldn’t grow a beard.
“[S]he kept annoying Kevin by constantly talking about his hairless face … mom made jokes with her husband about how ‘unmanly’ it is to not be able to grow a beard or a mustache. Those comments hurt Kevin so much,” the bride said.
“I had a very very stern conversation with her and she said ‘oh I didn’t realize those remarks were offending him I was just teasing him’ … She ended up sincerely apologizing to Kevin and we left it at that.”
With the wedding quickly approaching, the bride’s mother hosted the couple for dinner so that she could again apologize for her behavior and present Kevin with a wedding gift. When Kevin opened the gift, however, it became apparent that the bride’s mother didn’t feel sorry at all.
“He opened the box and found a set of shaving tools with a shaving cream,” the bride said in the post. “Kevin stopped for a sec and kept staring at the gift. My stepdad took it and showed everyone then mom and others started laughing while my stepdad kept saying ‘you get the joke Kev? You get it?’
“Kevin got up and walked out.”
It was then that the bride gave her mother an ultimatum: “No apology, no wedding invitation, period.”
The family thought the bride was wrong to exclude her mother from the wedding. Experts, however, have mixed opinions.
Those at The Knot believe that uninviting a wedding guest is “in poor taste.”
“If you’re questioning someone’s invite, remember it might be worth grinning and bearing their attendance at your wedding in order to be able to mend your relationship down the line,” a writer with the publication said.
Of course, if an individual does decide that it’s best to uninvite a wedding guest, the publication recommends having that conversation in person.
Unlike those at The Knot, licensed clinical social worker and counselor Kara Shaw told Brides that it is perfectly okay for someone not to invite a “toxic” family member to their wedding.
“If it feels like including somebody would feel so overwhelming that [it’s] the thing you would be focusing on, it’s really worth considering not inviting that person because you want to focus on yourself and on your marriage and the people who matter most to you,” she said.
Many of the post’s commenters were in line with Shaw’s way of thinking and vocalized their support for the bride’s decision.
“I think op [original poster] is right for taking a stand against her mom,” commented u/p3ttyb3ttie. “Yeah it’s something minor and petty now, but she seems the type that will up the ante, and these ‘jokes’ and ‘pranks’ will escalate. She has to realize you don’t get to hurt people and then tell them that they’re wrong.”
“NTA [not the a**hole],” commented u/Jazzlike_Humor3340. “‘Brutally honest’ is a lie people tell themselves when they are looking for an excuse to be brutal. Same thing with ‘it’s a joke’ when people do something deliberately cruel and then claim ‘joke’ to excuse their cruelty.”
Another user echoed the same sentiments, saying: “NTA for sure… But honestly, if they don’t realize they are participating in cruel bullying, I wouldn’t want them there either but that’s up to you. But the brother would be one very thin ice for me.”